I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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