we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
