he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
