i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
