? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
