I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
