he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
