I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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