Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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