So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
