Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
