id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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