you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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