grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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