2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
