Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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