right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
