the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
