That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
