So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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