Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
