Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
