It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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