I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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