so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
