Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
