I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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