I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
