Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
