I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
