I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
