It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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