it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
