i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
