Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Two words: blizzard sex
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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