She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up backwards on a recliner
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
