A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
