I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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