How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
