well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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