we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
