Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
