Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
