some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
