With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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