A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
