I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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