the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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