We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
