I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
